"Aussie authors like Harry Cook write gay romance novels that are teen-friendly. " The Real Dads of Melbourne or Love From Your Dads on Instagram are great examples of gay couples who have chosen to have children, showing them that it is, in fact, a possibility for them. This can have a major impact on their perception of what's possible in the future. "Follow or digest content from LGBTQI+ personalities on social media who are living proof of 'it gets better'. Paying attention to social media is something Sean recommends for both parents and their teen, as living proof of the joys of the community. Read more Acknowledge different perspectives But it turns out this lesbian utopia that I had hoped for was seemingly non-existent, writes Faustina Agolley. I had dreams of going on pottery-making and picnic dates and attending lesbian dance parties, followed by super hot lady-on-lady make-out sessions. The person who is safe to explore difficult conversations and interactions." "This solidifies that you're their person. Sean believes that parents can play a role in their kids coming out to others, especially as they will probably have to do it many times in their lives. Got it: standing in your child's shoes is the key to good communication. Both, sadly, can feel like direct attacks on their emotional and sometimes anxious-filled experience of coming out.
"Same with 'just a phase' and 'I always knew'. "This can tip them off to your lack of understanding, which may in turn make them feel even more isolated at home. "Some parents will say 'who you choose to love' when attempting to express acceptance, which can accidentally perpetuate the stereotype that being LGBTQI+ is a choice," Sean explains. Sean also warns that parents should be careful with their words - beyond simply not being homophobic. "Whatever you need, I'm there for you," was Sean's response to my son coming out. This is the sort of stuff I need to know if I don't want to become a spectator in Winston's life, and leave him to find his place as a minority all on his own. "There are so many diverse sub-groups within the community, you can always find someone to talk to, whether you're from a South Asian background (in Sydney we have the group Trikone) or are the parent of a trans child (in NSW we have Twenty10 and The Gender Centre)." "You're now part of a global community - the LGBTI community! And it's a rainbow for a good reason," he tells me excitedly. "That feeling of confusion and shame for being different, and not following the script expected of you, is the main reason LGBTI people keep their sexuality a secret before telling someone."Īdam adds that the experience of parenting a gay person is a magical one for the parents who are open to it/obsessed with their children and want to know everything that's happening in their lives - like me. "What you do with that information will play a huge role in how happy they are in their lives."Īdam shares that when coming out as a cis gay male at 16, the hardest part was the weight of society's expectations - and the presumption that everyone is straight. They've turned themselves in knots, and this is the truth that feels the most honest and freeing. "When your child can finally say 'I'm gay', they really, really know. Adam explains that coming out is significant, and can't be minimised. As a mum, it made me feel like I've done something right. This incredible insight is one I'll remember forever. My former work-husband and my son's 'guncle', Adam Bub. Email 'You're now part of a global community'
What experience have you felt underprepared to help your child through? We'd love to hear what you've learned. It's my job to help him navigate those complexities and I must acknowledge what I can offer is limited. Heavy, I know.Īs part of two major minority groups myself - as a woman of colour and a sole parent - I know there will be times he needs to explain and defend himself. So, I've spoken to him about the concept of discrimination which will be part of his life. Like it or not, Winston is part of a minority group - the LGBTQI community - and even though it's 2020, his experiences will reflect that. I don't think it's as, ahem, straightforward as that. One may think the right thing to do from here is to treat my kid as though he were straight, or, as some might say, "normal". It was a parenting nail (among plenty of parenting fails). We received a lot of support, and Winston is so proud of me. I realised that as a parenting writer, it would be almost disingenuous not to identify myself as the proud mum of a gay young man - and secrecy, which is the opposite of what Winston wanted, would send a terrible message to my son. More recently, Winston has wanted me to write about his identity he doesn't want it to be a secret in any way.
My embrace, my loving and supportive words were ready. When my son, Winston, came out as gay, I was ready.